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Rob's Story
It all started in Salem, Massachusetts. Rob Campbell was not always Rob Campbell, his birth name is Reverend John Hale (yes, Reverend included). After the witch trials, Hale was so scarred from his experiences that he changed his name to Rob Campbell and fled the haunted town. Along his journey, he encountered a woman crying because she could not keep her baby warm. Hale - I mean, - Rob promptly removed his weave and covered the wailing child and the infant was instantly warm. Miraculously, even the mother felt the warmth and kissed Robs feet. Little did Rob know that this was the begininning of his amazing works in one of the greatest travesties in American history. His weave grew, and grew, and grew, so that it turned into a shield against the harsh weathers. Rob soon found himself among hostile territory, as he had been walking for over 200 years and he was now surrounded by crying Indians walking the trail of tears. Rob was struck with grief, and began to use his weave, prayers, and miraculous works to try to ease the Indians Journey. He soon became the leader, and saved over 800000000 people with his wig. He soon arrived in California with his wives, and began a simple peanut farm. I REPEAT, HE WAS A SIMPLE PEANUT FARMER. Out of one of the shells, sprung a wittle Shelley. Rob was overjoyed with his little bundle, but he noticed a strange disfigurement on the child that caused him great distress. The little nut boy had an apparent shmeat. Rob had never seen something like this, and he sought to correct the issue. Sadly, there was nothing that could be done, and the boy remained tainted. Because of this, Rob carried with him a sense of fear about the future. He felt that in time this boy would turn against him, possibly even trying to claim the farm as his own. Despite this lingering fear, Rob continued to flourish both spiritually and physically on the farm. His rippling muscles displayed his long, hard days in the peanut fields. His shoulders broadened, his thighs bulged, and his weave continued to grow and grow. His little helper, who he lovingly called Shelley, only grew in devience. He frequently committed heinous acts against Rob. In one of the most severe cases, Shelley attempted to cut the evergrowing weave of Rob, but was unsuccessful. Even when he clamped the scissors, the weave wouldn't cut. As days droned on, Rob sought to discover new purpose in his life. He wanted nothing more than to be a beacon of light to the world and to offer help in any way he could. His help during the witch trials and the trail of tears just wasn't enough to satisfy him. He decided to start a foundation dedicated to improving society. This yearning for a cleansing of society resulted in the creation of the Campbellonian Society. Rob reigns as the head of the group, representing both a physical and spiritual representation of goodness in the world. He works to show others, through his actions, that purity in the world is possible. The fullness of his spiritual work is fulfilled throug his son, Vinyee, and through the Holy Spirit, created from a piece of Rob's very own rib. The first members of the society were none other than Rob's wives. They supported him through all of the adversity he faced, and encouraged him to convert others. Legend has it that the Campbellonians still exist to this day, and membership into the club is still available.